The biggest compliment I've ever been paid...

I'm blogging on my phone, which is no bueno in a plethora of ways.  However, I needed to document a conversation of hindsight.

The question that was asked was, "what's the biggest compliment you've ever been paid?" I knew immediately what my answer was going to be.

I appreciate compliments in any form, so this isn't to downplay the awesomeness of compliments. (Continue to give them to me)  However, what came to my mind made me smile.

At 22, I was engaged and when my fiance at the time, told me why he fell in love with me, I really didn't like the answer. That was 22 year old me.  He'd read all my poetry.  He experienced all my cooking.  He saw my creativity.  I expected him to speak on my talent, or at least what I perceive as talent. His answer was so far off the mark of what I was thinking.

He told me that he knew, without a doubt, that I would be a great mother. He felt my sole purpose on this earth was to be a mother. I was a little insulted...

Until now. As I sat and spoke with my own mother tonight and was blessed enough to hear her thoughts and opinions on my life, I was enswathed with insight. Her representation of motherhood has been a stream of patience, unconditional love, forgiveness, intelligence, hard work, perseverance, faith and insurmountable strength. At 36, my perspective has heightened, as well as my gratitude.

If I'm 1/4 of what this woman is, that is the biggest compliment. She has devoted her life to motherhood and I've found it to be the noblest job in the world. And, as any compliment should be received, I say, thank you... Thank you for knowing me even before I figured it out myself.

I need to write.

Each morning, before work, I need a little time to myself. 

So, I stop at the same coffee shop every day, order a "medium and medium" cup of coffee, and I let myself be taken into a zone.  This particular morning, I felt content.  I felt content that all things were in accordance with a plan I hadn't even set for myself.  On the outside, it would seem that all is well with me.  On the inside, I'm falling apart.  I have cried myself to sleep virtually every night since Wednesday. 

Yesterday, the strangest thing happened at the strangest possible time.  A scripture popped into my head:  Proverbs 3:5.  I never think of scriptures randomly.  I barely think of scriptures even as I'm reading them.  But, as I'm sitting, contemplating the anti-climatic theme which is my life, I thought of this:  

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways, acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

I didn't put quotations around that scripture because I'm not sure I quoted it right, but I thought of it.  And, it gave me comfort.  Every single adversity or insecurity I've faced has provided me blessings and confidence.  And, I'm confident that whatever path I take--will be paved by a clear direction God has paved for me.  I'm leaving my fate up to him and will work diligently to thank Him for guiding me there. 

Enjoy the day and be blessed.